I don’t feel good..but I don’t feel bad..
Stagnancy, numbness, dullness, grey, lifeless...have you ever had any of these feelings? In your job? Your relationship? Just your overall feeling towards your life?
Speaking from experience, it is one of the hardest states to get out of. Why? Because nothing is inherently wrong, but it also doesn’t feel right. People could look at your life and think there is nothing wrong, and why would there be if there was? Maybe they think you even look happy. And maybe that's what you tell people because it is your way of trying to convince yourself that is how you feel, but not what you truly feel inside if you are really honest with yourself. How do you explain to someone what you feel inside without having a physical reason? "Its my Soul guidance" often doesn't make sense to most people who are not in the business of listening to their Soul.
Let me tell you something about this feeling. And this may not be for every single case but for the clients I have had and my personal experience, it has often felt like a battle for the spotlight. A battle between your Soul and your false self or wounding. Your wounding tells you "you're happy, everything is comfortable, don't go changing things up, don't be selfish, you don't want to hurt someone else, what would people think?, it's scary what would happen if you fall out of line or do something different, what if it's the wrong choice, what if you lose everything?". On the other hand your Soul is sending you signals. Signals that you are meant for something bigger, something better, something different, something more aligned. Signals that tell you that whatever circumstances your wounds are trapping you in, are keeping you from growing and from experiencing a more fulfilled life, relationship, job etc. This feeling is dis-ease. It’s meant to feel uncomfortable because how else would we know we are not living the life our Soul has envisioned for us? And if we were to truly face this unease, feel it and acknowledge it, we would have to face the unknown, face all of the "what ifs", the fear, the insecurity, the self doubt, the fear of judgement, the powerlessness...and instead of doing that we numb all of it out. We numb it all out to the point where we are coasting through our lives not truly acknowledging and honoring our true feelings because they might be inconvenient for other people and trying to convince ourselves we are happy. We convince ourselves that being content or comfortable is all we need. But is comfort at the cost of your own Soul truly comfort? Is it truly comfort to have to numb out your Souls guidance and in turn distance that connection you have with the true you? The complacency comes from ignoring the unease, the signals your Soul is sending you. Do you see it?
Let me ask you, where did you learn to put yourself last? Where did you learn that you don't matter? That your feelings don't matter? Where did you learn to avoid confrontation or that you can’t handle discomfort? This part of you needs some attention. As you begin to heal this version of you, you begin to rise. You become the way of Honoring for all feelings, become the way of Trust for the path of your Soul and continue to show up for yourself while your wounding keeps throwing daggers at you trying to keep you small and bring you back down. At some point you will realize that your Soul is 1000 times more powerful than your wounds, you just have to trust yourself enough. We need to learn how to interpret the messages and trust ourselves to venture on the journey. The journey back home to ourselves.
If you told me I had the opportunity to live 30 years disconnected from the Truth of who I am, blindly moving through life as a shell of myself or 2 years fully connected to my Soul...I would choose the latter. There are no words to describe the depth, connection, fulfilment and expansiveness of following the path of your Soul. I never said this path would be easy, because if it was, everyone would be doing it. The meaning, clarity and depths comes from facing every aspect of yourself and choosing your Soul vs unconsciously navigating life from your wounding and conditioning.
The choice to follow your Soul is yours. And if you want to learn how, reach out and let’s chat.
